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So let's talk about what went on in therapy yesterday. I have this overwhelmingly strong belief that I should be able to stop anything from my past from impacting my current behavior/lifestyle. This includes the two times that I was raped. I legitimately think I shouldn't let myself be impacted at all by these deeply disturbing experiences, and beat myself up constantly if I am. Needless to say, the fact that I have PTSD from it really grates on me, but that's a story for another time. Well, throughout therapy, we keep touching on these common themes of unworthiness and fear of conflict. To this day and as a 26 year-old woman, I constantly question my worth, feel like I'm in the way/a burden, and literally shut down like a child when conflict arises. Much to my distaste, my therapist has been poking and prodding for early childhood memories that would explain this behavior, and, much to my dismay, she thinks she found something. My parents fought when I was growing up. It wasn't all the time, and it wasn't ever physical, but there was a lot of screaming going on. As a toddler, I used to position myself outside of their door and just rock myself while they screamed and yelled. To their credit, they didn't know this, and were just going through adult stuff and trying their best. I have really great parents and was blessed with a solid childhood. But according to my therapist, this happened during my formative years, where I needed to feel safe and secure, and, well, didn't. As time went on and I developed speech, I would try to intervene in my parents' fights to stop them, but would either be shut down or turned on, and this, according to the therapist, is where I started to develop my current traits, feeling in the way/unworthy of being paid attention to, and shutting down during an argument. To this day, if my dad is terse or raises his voice, my eyes well up and I feel like I need to vomit and start to shake. As a 26 year-old woman, this happens. And it pisses me off, because I can't be doing that, and I want to be a well-adjusted adult, not a three year-old little girl on the inside. If you got this far, give yourself a ⭐

3/23/2017 5:07:28 AM 1
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南米で買ってきたお土産アルパカ人形とかりんがだいたい同じでしたので。。。 #アルパカ#そいえばトリミング1回しました#最近はブスカワ路線 The alpaca from Peru and Karin.. #identical

3/23/2017 5:08:59 AM 1
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2017.03.23 今日のアキオ。 タヌキみたいな後ろ姿 * 今日も我が家のベランダは補修工事です✨ 慣れてきました、たぶん 朝イチ熱烈歓迎(窓枠ウロウロ&ワンワン)し、 お兄さんが動けばアキオも動き、 じっと作業している時は窓辺で寝て、 お兄さんが増えたらまた歓迎し、 撤収していくと寝る * 警戒吠えもあるけど遊んで~❤遊ぼう~❤も あるように見える✨ 素晴らしい適応力 お兄さん達の邪魔にならないようにね * #ビションフリーゼ #ビションフリーゼ 子犬 #子犬 #ふわもこ部 #犬のいる暮らし #6ヶ月 #pappy #bichonfrise #dog#dogstagram #pappy stagram #instadog #今日のアキオ #かわゆ #もふもふ #モフモフ #モコモコ #ちっちゃかわゆい #まんまる #後ろ姿 #寝姿 #見守る #見守り #補修工事 #お仕事お疲れ様です

3/23/2017 5:11:14 AM 0

The blue brothers. Keep an eye on these champs 2017 Go FOLLOW&DM @coleone_kennels_sonoma ✅ @thebullyplanet Follow us and use #thebullyplanet Or @Thebullyplanet To Be Featured Tag A Bully Lover ❌❌TURN ON YOUR NOTIFICATIONS TO SEE MORE AND MORE CONTENT OF THE BEST BULLIES❌❌

3/23/2017 5:10:25 AM 1

・ ・ ・ こんにちは(*´︶`*) 前回の納車picに たくさんのコメントありがとうございました‼️ ✨✨ ・ あれから毎晩 夕飯後にへ行って 車内でTVを見ながらマッタリ過ごすのが日課になってます ・ 何処でも生きていけるタイプのフランは 初日から寛ぎ、 神経質なアムロも少しは慣れて ワンコベットでウトウトできるようになりました ・ ・ picはキッチン 黒いフタの所はシンク。 キッチンペーパーboxも付けてもらいました ・ 次のお休みには 飾り付けできるかな〜 楽しみぃ✨ ・ ・ ・ #夢のキャンピングカー #キャンピングカー #キッチン #納車の日はPA寄り道しすぎて渋滞にハマる #助手席は乗り心地 #ワンコとおでかけ #みんなでおでかけ #仲良し #カメラおばさん #カメラ女子 #instadog #east_dog_japan #inutokyo #todayswanko #petstagram #トイプードル #プードル #トイプードル 兄妹 #トイプードル 多頭飼い #poodle #デカプー #ふわもこ部 #いぬバカ部 #カメラ好きな人と繋がりたい #写真好きな人と繋がりたい #カメラ大好きたのしいなぁ #canon お一人ずつお返事したいところですが こちらで失礼しますごめんなさい ・ ・

3/23/2017 5:11:00 AM 0

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