Im a people pleaser. It's a tiring quality to have but understating it helps get myself up and fixing it.
I spend most of my life being a "yes man", being an easy going, funloving person. Saying okay to things, people, jobs, even when they were not right for me, and it's hard to admit weak points in your personality, even when it really brings you down.
And I guess that that's what life is, you do something, you learn whether the consequence feels right or wrong, you learn a lesson and move on.
And so I hope I will slowly grow out of that personally trait that I hate so much.
Wanting to be what everyone wants me to be, learning to work hard and prove myself but not take action when things need to change, being a person everyone is pleased with, staying quiet about it, working and modeling for free just cause I couldn't say no.
Lately I stopped photoshooting, you know? I'm not even sure why exactly. First, I stopped saying yes to modeling for free, and second, I spoke about it on social media and it upset people. So I stopped modeling completely except a side project I did a few weeks ago which this picture was taken (my phone, not even a part of the set, just a little extra fun).
It feels nice, to be loved and appreciated, to feel pretty and worthy and talented. But it's not so nice to feel the disappointment with yourself after saying yes again, to another project that didn't pay. And understating that I need, I must- value myself more.